Sasuke's Trip to Granny's House
by pathetic's OK
Summary: Sasuke's been forced to take care of his grandmother who he didn't even know existed for a week! How will he survive? How can he escape? Find out by reading!
1. Chapter 1

Hah! Finally decided to upload this! I wrote this a while ago, and back then I wanted it to be all OOC and crazy like my last one. Then it got put on hold for a while, and when I came back to it the OOCness bugged me! So I went back and tried to fix it. There's probably still some there, but definitely a lot better. Hope you enjoy my crazy ideas!1

Chapter1

Sasuke woke up one mourning to the high pitched ringing of his alarm clock in his ear. With a groan he got up and looked out his window. It was bright and sunny outside and birds were singing. He smashed the annoying little alarm clock with his fist into a million pieces. He hated days like this. What displeasures awaited him? Waiting three hours for his notoriously late sensei, Kakashi? A certain pink haired fan girl mentioning his name every five seconds? Or maybe a motivational speech from Naruto? Anything he thought of sounded unpleasant to him. He got out of bed and proceded to get ready for the day.

After eating, getting dressed, and combing his hair so it looked like he didn't comb it, he checked his mail. A task he hadn't done in quite some time. He was surprised to find a letter from the Hokage, Tsunade. It read :

_Sasuke,_

_We do not feel comfortable with some people living alone, thus we are sending you to your grandmothers house. See me at my office immediately upon reading this letter. _

_Tsunade_

Sasuke was enraged. He ran to her office and marched strait into the room. He slammed the door open sending paper flying of her desk.

" Hello, Sasuke,"

She said in a pleasantly

"I was expecting you."

" What the hell is this!"

Sasuke yelled

" Oh yes, we're sending you to your grandmothers house for the week."

She said, maintaining her pleasant voice.

"What do you think I am? Five? I can take care of myself."

Stated Sasuke. Tsunade remained calm dispite the obvious fact that the only thing stopping him from killing her that she was the leader of their village.

" Yes, we know that. It's your grandmother who needs to be taken care of."

"And you want me to take care of her!"

"Well, yes."

Sasuke stopped and thought about the situation. Finally he agreed.

"Okay, but I get paid double for this mission."

"Oh no, your doing this for free."

"What?"

He growled irately.

"Well, if you have a problem with this the old folks home needs some help and-"

"Fine!"

He was about to stomp out the door when he realized something: "wasn't my grandmother killed along with the rest of my village?" so he tuned around and asked,

"Wait, wouldn't my grandma have been killed with the rest of my village?"

"Oh no,"

replied Tsunade

"If anyone tried to attack your grandmother they would be sent running home to their mommy! She was the most powerful konoiche in your village! I assumed you already knew that. I bet you don't know where she lives ether. So since you probably don't, here's her address. You are expected to be there tomorrow, or else the old folks home, understood?"

"Understood"

sighed Sasuke. With that he left the office and went home to pack his things.

I've improved since I originally wrote this, so it gets better as you go along. Believe me, it does! And by the way, I'm writing this with absolutely no help!


	2. Chapter 2

I'm not sure how much I like the end of this chapter… It sounds a bit weird. Meh… It out of character too, but if I fixed it, it wouldn't be funny anymore. It urks me. Well, not much else to say so enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 2

This morning wasn't any better then the last, it was worse. What made it worse? It wasn't that he didn't have an alarm clock anymore. No, that only made it better. The weather was the exact same as the day before, but that didn't make it any worse. The thing that made today the worst day ever was the house he stood before with the exact same address that was written on the piece of paper that Tsunade gave him. His grandmothers house.

Sasuke hated old people just like he hated everything. They always told him stuff he already knew, like how cute he was, and they would always pinch his cheeks with those bonny fingers of theirs. He shivered at the thought but knew he had to do this. He walked to the door and knocked, but there was no answer. He knocked again, but still no answer, so he put his ear to the door and listened. He could hear a huge racquet.

"What the heck is that?" thought Sasuke. He opened the door and peeked inside. Now everything was quiet.

"Hello?"

He said into the house, but still no answer. So he walked in. Then something hit him. It was a smell, a very smelly smell. A smelly smell that smelled like, old people. Sasuke was gasping for breath, when another thing hit him. This thing was worse than the smell. It was the cheerful horror of, doilies. They were everywhere! Devouring all flat surfaces, tables, chairs everything! Sasuke couldn't take this, he backed up against the wall, panting in horror.

Then the racquet was back, loader than ever. Sasuke closed his eyes tightly. The sights! The smells! The sounds! "I can't take this anymore!" Sasuke thought. Then an old man ran out the open door, kunie flying after him. The old man seemed to have disappeared, but not the kunie. The ones that didn't make it out the door hit the wall, pinning Sasuke to it.

An old woman appeared the doorway from the hall to the kitchen. The old man reappeared on the door step and yelled:

"I'll win at cards some day ya old hag!"

While shaking a fist.

"Not on your life!"

The old woman yelled back, throwing another round of kunie which made the old man run away and pinned Sasuke to the wall even more.

The old woman noticed Sasuke for the first time and ran to him with glee.

"Oh! How's my special little Sasukewaske? Granny was expecting you!"

She said happily while pinching his cheeks.

"Granny's got something special for you!"

With that, she yanked him off the wall and dragged him across the house to her living room by the collar of his shirt. There she dropped him.

"Granny made you these special clothes for you so you wouldn't catch a cold!"

She then stuffed him into a pink knitted sweater, pink knitted hat, pink knitted scarf, and pink knitted socks over top of his clothes (except the socks which went in his sandals), each item with an Uchiha symbol on it.

"There,"

she said with satisfation,

"they have love in every stitch."

Sasuke was now paralyzed in fear. He couldn't move or speak. His grandma grabbed him by the collar again and dragged him to the kitchen and put him on a chair. Then she put on a pair of oven mitts and opened the oven, filling the room with dark clouds of purple gas and giving the air a nasty odor, one worse than old people. When the smoke cleared she was sitting on the chair next to him. In front of him was a tray full of, ... somethings. Nasty blobs of grime on a cookie tray. Some had eyeballs and/or tentacles coming out of them and they all twitched like they were alive. "does she expect me to eat these things?" he thought, wanting to run away but not being able to.

"Granny made you everyones favorite type of cookie!"

She exclaimed while stuffing one in his mouth,

"Anchovy, mustard, butterscotch! They're crunchy on the inside and soft on the outside!"

She then started forcing them into his mouth. Sasuke didn't dare swallow.

Soon the door crashed down, startling Sasuke so much he nearly soiled himself. The scare snapped him out of paralysis. The old man from earlier appeared in the doorway.

"I'll getcha at cards now!"

yelled the old man.

"Not in a million years!"

grandma yelled back. Sasuke used the distraction and spit the 'cookies' back on the tray (you would even notice they were in his mouth).

" I'll win for sure, because I got a referee to make sure you don't cheat"

She said as she jabbed her index finger in Sasuke's direction.

"Let's get on with this!"

Yelled the old man, and so they did. For hours Sasuke just sat, bored out of his mind, watching his grandma win at cards. He tried to escape twice but that just resulted in him getting pinned to the wall with kunie and a nagging from the old woman.

Finally, the old man left. It was exactly 7:50.

"Time to get ready for bed!"

Exclaimed grandma handing him a pair of pale blue knitted pajamas and a toothbrush. Then she pushed him into the washroom. When he emerged, ready for bed, she led him upstairs. The only reason he cooperated was because he was so scared of her. When they arrived in a bedroom she forced him into the bed.

As she tucked him in he said his first thing to her upon arriving at her house:

"UUUUURRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNnnnnnnnhh."

"Goodnight my little Sasukepoo,"

she said softly.

"Oh, and lets not forget mister snuggle-puss!"

She placed a teddy bear beside him and kissed him goodnight. He waited until she shut the door to let him suffer and he immediately threw off his blankets and sat on the edge of the bed.

"This is terrible!" he thought. And he was right. Everything was so nice and happy and smelled funny! There was no way he could do this for a week. He had to come up with a plan to escape. But how? Hours passed before he could bring himself to go to sleep.

Well, This is PatheticsOK! Don't eat black licorice jellybeans through twisty straws!


	3. Chapter 3

So sory for not updating in so long! I seem to be suffering a severe case of writers block. The only reson I could update this is because I already had it writen, I just needed to fix it up. I really should be working on Every Rock Lee Fangirls Dream but I just can't come up with ideas! Plus Sevenlevles isn't around to help me right now. I've also been having WAY too many drawing ideas than I can handle. You try writing a fanfic under these conditions!

Chapter 3

This morning Sasuke wasn't going to put up with such abuse. Oh no. He woke up extra early, so that he might sneak a distressed phone call for help. He didn't care if he had to work at the old folks home or not. Anything was better than this. He snuck downstairs and went for the phone, which hung on the wall beside the doorway to the living room. "Who should I call..." he thought. The only person he could think of was Sakura. He hated the thought of asking her for help, but this was an emergency situation. And so, he picked up the phone and dialed her number. It rang three times, and at the end of the third ring, there was an answer.

"Uhhhn hello?"

Came a tiered, female voice to the phone. One where you could just tell the person was thinking

"What the hell do you want this early in the morning?", which was probably what inner Sakura was saying at the moment.

"Sakura it's Sasuke, I need your help"

Sakura's voice immediately switched tones to a more of a "Oh, I'd be happy to help!" sort of voice.

"Sure Sasuke, what is it?"

"Well I'm trapped at my grandmas house and-"

Before he could finish he was cut off by something. What could be heard sounded like this:

"Clack! Arhhhhhh! Ching, ching, ching!"

Then Sakura could barely make out a muffled voice that said:

"Sasuke, you sillywillyhead! You know the phone is for grownups only."

She tried the say something but the line went dead.

"Oh my gosh! I have to help him!"

said Sakura to herself, while at the same time inner Sakura was saying

"Chaaaaaaa! This is my chance to beat Ino!"

Sakura hastily got ready for the day and ran out the door of her house. Then she ran down the street for about a block when she realized she didn't know where Sasuke's grandma's house was. So she stopped to think.

---

Meanwhile back at grandma's house, Sasuke was pinned to the was with kunie and being scolded by the old woman. He then interrupted her scolding to say,

"Grandma, I'm a ninja. I need to go out and train! I can't just sit around all day!"

There was a brief pause before she answered

"Your absolutely right! Get ready and I will let you train!"

This answer surprised him. He expected her to put up more of a fight. After he got ready, he was about to leave the house when Grandma snuck up behind him.

"Where do you think your about to go all by yourself! I've got to take care of you!"

She was right that he couldn't just leave like that, it was his mission to take care of her after all. So they left together, Sasuke trying to stay in the shadows to avoid mocking glances of passers by. The two of them trained together with the rest of Sasuke's team (except Sakura) for the rest of the day. After a full day of almost non-stop sparring with his grandmother, Sasuke had a back eye, fat lip, several lumps on his head, bruises all over is body and was missing three teeth.

"I don't think this woman needs to be taken care of at all!" thought Sasuke.

---

Sakura was beat. She spent the whole day searching Konoha for Sasuke because Tsunade wouldn't give any information about his mission. "Maybe he's at the training grounds?" she thought . "Naw, he wouldn't be there during a mission. Besides, I'm too tiered to go anywhere else".

"Cha!"

screamed inner Sakura,

" I'll find Sasuke even if it takes the rest of my life! But not tonight…" So she went home.

---

Back at Grandma's house, Sasuke followed the same bedtime routine as the night before. Except this time, Granny made sure to kiss and bandage all of Sasuke's sparring 'booboos'. He found that completely ridiculous but went along with it anyway to avoid being scolded. Soon he was, once again, in his room, thinking of his new plan of escape.

Jeez, I just can't write funny stuff lately. I write it, make it sound good, and then realize it doesn't sound funny. Maybe I'm just not cut out for writing stuff. ToT :(

If you want to see what I'm really good at, visit my deviantart page! I'd insert a link if I could but unfortunatly I can't do that here! I'm Shikathefox on that site, look for me!


	4. Chapter 4

Yes, I'm still alive! OMG! I'm actually updating! I'm sooooooooo sory I'm taking so long to update all the time, especially now that I have readers! My writers block is pretty much gone now, but I've started highschool and now I don't have as much time to write anymore. I really should update my Lee fic, especially considering it get's a lot more readers and reviews, but I havn't started writing it yet. I should really work on that... Anyhow, enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 4

The best plan Sasuke could think of was to just use his ninja talents to sneak out early in the morning, make a bee line to the Tsunade's office, and ask her for the job at the old folks home. Unfortunately when he tried to put this plan into action he was caught, thus getting him pinned to the wall with kunie.

"What is it with you these days Sasuke?"

His grandmother asked him.

"You seem to want to get a time out!"

Normally Sasuke wouldn't respond to a question like that, but he detected an opportunity to escape. All he had to do was some acting.

"I am so sorry, grandmother..."

He began,

But, uh,... There is somewhere I would like to go today."

"Oh, and where is that?"

She questioned.

"Um,... The Hokage's office. I, uhhhh, have a surprise for you there."

"Is that so? Why didn't you say so earlyer! We will go there today, I can't wait to see what your surprise is!"

The sweetness in her voice disgusted him, but at least he would be able to get out of there soon. Hopefully...

---

With new determination, Sakura set out for the day, intent on rescuing Sasuke from the evil clutches of his grandmother.

"Maybe I can find someone who's seen her with him and ask them where they last saw them go…"

She thought.

"Hi Sakura!"

Yelled a voice coming from the opposite direction of the one she was standing in. She tuned around to find Naruto, who was probably heading out for a bowl of ramen.

"What's up?"

He asked.

"Oh, not much."

She answered, then remembered the idea she had.

"Naruto, have you seen Sasuke around?"

Naruto squinted his eyes, tilted his head, and grinned.

"Why would you want to find him? Why don't you come with me and I'll buy you ramen, well I don't really have any money but you could buy the ramen, and you could be my girlfriend…"

"Eww, no."

Sakura cut him off before he could continue his run-on sentence. At this point she knew he wouldn't tell her, at least not without with out annoying her to hell, so she just started to walk away. Naruto frowned.

"Aww"

He paused for a moment before saying under his breath;

"Bah, who needs her as a stupid girlfriend anyway."

But Sakura obviously heard him because she ran towards him and punched him in the face, sending him crashing into a telephone poll with blood flying out of his nose. Then she continued on her original path, but this time with an angry, stomping walk. A passer by looked at her with an expression of fear. She pointed at him and yelled with anger in her voice;

"Hey you! Do you know where Sasuke is!"

The man turned around and fled screaming in fear. It was then Sakura realized that she really needed to get a hold of herself, though it was very difficult for her as inner Sakura was screaming and cursing like there was no tomorrow.

"Get a hold of yourself, Sakura."

She thought to herself. She sighed. After a few seconds she managed to calm herself down somewhat, though she was still highly irritated. She continued walking, and after a few minutes she bumped into Lee.

"Hello Sakura!"

Exclaimed Lee, giving Sakura an optimistic thumbs up.

"How are you on this fine morning?"

"Oh, fine thanks."

Replied Sakura trying to hide her urge to walk away in disgust and gave him a fake smile.

"Have you seen Sasuke around?"

"Yes! Indeed I have! I recall that yesterday he was with an old woman, they were walking to the training ground I do believe."

Sakura's fake smile turned to a real one as there was a flicker of hope she would be able to find Sasuke.

"Have you seen him today?"

"I have not, however I have seen them going into that house there."

He pointed to a pale blue house on the corner. It was only two houses down from where Sakura lived! Inner Sakura cursed repeatedly and threw punches into the air. Sakura's eye twitched for a moment.

"Are you okay, Sakura?"

Lee asked. She shook her head briefly to rid her face of the blank expression.

"I'm fine. Thanks Lee!"

And so, she ran off toward the building, but a shady figure stood in her way…

For a while I was actually thinking of giving all this up, but everyone's kind reviews on everything made me decide not to! You people are great! Oh, and please visit my dA acount if you can find it. I'm a lot better at art than writing! I keep trying to put a link or just put the url for it here but it doen't want to work! I'm called ShikaTheFox there. Try going to google and typing in deviantART ShikaTheFox or somthing to that affect. Thank you!


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